What did the police man say to his belly ? Your under a vest.

How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas? He felt his presents!

I waited and stayed up all night and tried to figure out where the sun was. Then it dawned on me.

Two old Englishmen, Tom and Peter (lightly hard of hearing) on a subway train as train pulls in. Tom - =Is this Wmbley?" Peter - "NO, it's Thursday"

An old couple in vey quite church during the service and the lady passed a note to her husband saying I have just made a big silent fart I hope it doesn’t smell. He wrote back, I think you need to change the batteries in your hearing aid.

A man walked into a bar. Ouch! It was an iron bar.

Knowing you’ve received wholly incorrect directions, but setting off that way anyway so as not to cause offence. #VeryBritishProblems

"A strange thing happened during a performance of Elgar's Sea Pictures at a concert hall in Bermuda tonight. The man playing the triangle disappeared." Two Ronnies at their best! :-)